Like a Butterfly

Like a Butterfly

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She lived her life like a butterfly, and all I could do was wave as she flew across the sky beneath the light of the moon, reflected off the noonday sun, she flew like a butterfly, and I used to chase her, not understanding her path and that the way to her heart was to step back and marvel at how she moved through space, just like a butterfly. Her beauty was in her flight and how she never quite landed, nor was she ever stranded, because the beauty was in her movement, unfettered and free, not handled, not constrained by me, nor understood, but held in the embrace of letting go of what I thought I knew and what I know of her, because the beauty is in the flight and how she moved, just like a butterfly past heartaches, mountains and dreams and the schemes of a boy who still rows his boat merrily down streams, chasing dreams and butterflies.

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

  • Free membership gives you access to community conversations and introductory resources.
  • Paid membership opens full access to courses, live sessions, and the complete Field Guide.

Stay in Touch

Re-Evaluating Our Worth As Human Beings

Re-Evaluating Our Worth As Human Beings

Many of us are struggling to understand our worth outside the economic engine of society. The message is rarely stated outright, but it saturates the air: to be more, we must not only do more, but also buy more. This assumption fuels countless conversations—at work, at home, and inside our own heads.

I am guilty of this, too. AI has accelerated the tempo of professional life, and I catch myself turning that tempo into a test of relevance. I ask colleagues whether they now use it to generate content, manage social media campaigns, or prospect for donors. I have been shown tools that “strategize,” producing plans and roadmaps for organizations in minutes. I keep wondering where these plans and roadmaps ultimately lead—or, more pointedly, what they train us to believe about the kind of human being we have to become in order to matter.

This past weekend, I picked up Philosophical Leisure (2007) by Dr. Annette Holba, and she reminded me—uncomfortably—that we have already arrived at a destination. Lasch (1979) described this place as a culture of narcissism. Arnett (1994) framed it as a kind of existential homelessness. In such a place, Holba argues, “human communication is enveloped with a general sense of malaise that is the result of an emerging lack of the interhuman or authentic interest in the other” (p. 21).

One corollary of that condition is that our worth gets measured—quietly, relentlessly—in productivity. Reflecting on this (and spurred by Holba’s work), I can see that I still subscribe, at least partially, to a familiar Western equation: productivity equals value.

While I no longer check work emails on the weekend, I still feel a concern in my body that I am somehow derelict in my professional duties. How dare I enjoy myself? How dare I be a philosopher, when clearly there are more important things to do—master the latest tools, find the next corporate sponsor, issue the next press release, create the next post, stay visible, stay useful.

It isn’t only that I’m anxious about productivity. I have also sabotaged my personal life in an effort to demonstrate commitment to organizational causes. In recognizing that my positionality as a CIS white man has afforded me an unbelievable amount of privilege and opportunity, I find myself struggling to feel I can offer anything of value outside my output—as if I must keep producing to justify my place in any space.

I do not say any of this to elicit pity. I’m saying it because I’m coming to grips with a stark fact. I have built a life in which “work” is the main space where I feel legible.

I do not really make friends, but my ability to merge the personal with the professional has enabled me to create the illusion of a life full of meaning. As a philosopher and poet in my heart, the extent to which I have sacrificed hopes and dreams in an effort to apologize for my existence is exhausting.

Identity Matters

Race, gender, class, and history shape what happens to us and our experience of reality. However, when identity becomes the only story available—when it replaces curiosity, tenderness, and complexity—we reduce one another. We turn living people into categories and then act surprised when our relationships feel thin.

Certainly, the fact that I am a CIS white man is an important fact of my existence, and it has influenced my experience as a human being. However, I am also a man who sometimes cries when he hears beautiful music, or while making egg sandwiches.

I am a man who enjoys walking in nature, running down country roads on Friday afternoons, watching The Rockford Files at midnight, and missing the days when my sons were little—when they could both be held in my arms at the same time. I am also a man who loves his parents and cannot imagine a life, much less a single day, without them. I make ridiculous jokes, laugh when someone farts, and I miss my grandmother.

I am all these things and so much more (and sometimes less), which means I can only assume every human on this planet possesses forms of worth and texture that are uniquely theirs. Perhaps there is an opportunity—an opening, a space—for us to acknowledge the multiplicities of our lives without trying to reduce, eliminate, or monetize their meaning.

Not everything meaningful is measurable, monetized, or shareable, because life is not a spectacle. It is an inward journey we live together in public spaces on a planet that is literally moving through outer space right now.

In a world that keeps trying to sell us the next “optimized” solution, maybe the starting point is simpler. What do you and I actually need?

If we do not yet know how to answer that question, I think that is just fine. Let’s start in a space where we know nothing, because those spaces often offer the greatest opportunities.


References

  • Arnett, R. C. (1994). Existential homelessness: A contemporary case for dialogue. In R. Anderson, K. N. Cissna, & R. C. Arnett (Eds.), The reach of dialogue: Confirmation, voice, and community (pp. 229–245). Cresskill, NJ: Hampton Press.
  • Holba, A. M. (2007). Philosophical leisure: Recuperation and the care of the self. Lanham, MD: Lexington Books.
  • Lasch, C. (1979). The culture of narcissism: American life in an age of diminishing expectations. New York, NY: W. W. Norton.

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

  • Free membership gives you access to community conversations and introductory resources.
  • Paid membership opens full access to courses, live sessions, and the complete Field Guide.

Stay in Touch

Accountability Over Accuracy — Spaciology Chronicles

Accountability Over Accuracy — Spaciology Chronicles

An ordinary moment in a familiar room. A small rupture. A repair that isn’t a performance.


Persona (who this follows)

David Kline, 54, white male, is a trusted civic connector. He sits on multiple boards and has a reputation for “closing the gap” in fundraising—useful, competent, reliable. Privately, David often equates care with fixing. He hears urgency as virtue and feels safest when he’s the most competent person in the room.


The Chronicle

The boardroom always made David talk faster. Something about the table—its sheen, the little pitchers of water, the agenda printed in calm fonts—invited a kind of competence theater. He had built a career in rooms like this.

Maya held the clicker. She stood at the screen showing a slide titled Campaign Phases & Decision Points. A new role, new authority, and a board that still looked at David when it needed reassurance.

“As you’ll see,” Maya said, “we’re sequencing the leadership asks in three waves—”

David heard himself inhale to speak. He had a better phrase. A cleaner way to say it. He could feel it forming.

“—because the first wave,” Maya continued.

David cut in anyway. “And we’re not going to chase twelve priorities at once,” he said, smiling as if he were saving everyone time. “We’ll focus on the top five households and—”

Maya stopped. Not abruptly. Just enough that the room noticed the interruption and then pretended it hadn’t.

For a second, David felt pleased—he had clarified things. He had protected momentum. He also watched Maya’s mouth close. Not angry. Smaller.

Something tightened in his chest—an almost comical physical sensation, like a belt pulled one notch too far. He recognized it, which surprised him. Usually, that feeling was just the price of being responsible.

Maya nodded once, as if accepting an unasked-for correction, and began again. “Yes. And the reason we’re sequencing—”

David did it a second time, without fully deciding to do it. This time, it wasn’t even a good comment—just a refinement, a preference masquerading as strategy.

The board chair glanced down at her notes. A couple of members leaned back, relieved someone else was driving. David noticed, with a small jolt, that he had become the pace of the room.

Maya kept going, but now she sounded like someone reading a document aloud rather than offering leadership. David’s mind flashed to the donor meeting tomorrow, the timeline, the gap. His body wanted to close the gap the way it always closed gaps—by grabbing the wheel.

The chair asked, “Any questions on the sequencing?”

David had a question. He always had questions. He also had an answer ready to attach to it.

He looked at Maya. She was holding the clicker with both hands, knuckles pale enough to be noticeable if you were looking.

David wrote something in the margin of his notebook instead of speaking: Don’t steal the air.

“Let’s hear from Maya first,” he said, and surprised himself with how ordinary it sounded. “Maya—what decision do you actually need from us today?”

Maya blinked. The question wasn’t a trap. It was a handoff.

She exhaled and stepped slightly closer to the table. “Two things,” she said. “First, approval on the sequencing. Second, agreement on how we handle pushback when we ask for stretch gifts.”

The room shifted. People sat forward. Someone asked a question that wasn’t about numbers but about relationships. Another board member—quiet until now—said, “I’m worried we’re underestimating how tired our community partners are. If we rush them, we’ll lose trust.”

David felt the old reflex to fix the worry with reassurance. He swallowed it. Let it sit.

After the meeting, people clustered in the hallway with their coats, talking about schedules and next steps. David waited until Maya was alone, sliding papers into her folder with brisk, practiced movements.

“Maya,” he said. “Do you have five minutes before you head out?”

She looked up, and David saw it. Not anger, not warmth—just caution, the kind that arrives when someone with more power says they “want to talk.”

“There’s time,” she said.

They stepped into a small side office used partially for storage. Fluorescent light. A stack of old binders. No audience.

David didn’t sit. If he sat, he might start performing humility. He leaned lightly against the file cabinet instead.

“I interrupted you twice,” he said. He didn’t add a joke. He didn’t explain the campaign pressure. He didn’t list his credentials. “And I watched it change your tone. I’m sorry.”

Maya’s eyes stayed on his. She waited, as if checking whether he was done.

“I can tell myself I was helping,” David continued, slower now, “but I think it landed like I don’t trust you to lead in that room.”

Maya’s shoulders dropped a fraction. “Yes,” she said. “That’s what it felt like.”

David nodded once, letting the sentence remain true without rushing to soften it. The silence was uncomfortable in a way that felt…useful.

“What would help repair it?” he asked.

Maya thought for a moment. “Two things,” she said. “If you have edits, send them to me before the meeting. And in the room, ask questions. Don’t restate my points in your voice. It makes me disappear.

David felt heat rise in his face—shame, or something adjacent to it. He didn’t argue with it.

“Okay,” he said. “I can do that. And if I slip, do you want to name it in the moment, or would you rather tell me after?”

Maya’s expression softened, just slightly. “After,” she said. “At least for now.”

David nodded again. “Fair.”

As they walked back toward the exit, he had the impulse to seal it with one more sentence—something wise, something that made him look like the kind of man who learns quickly.

Instead, he let the repair be what it was—a small agreement that would only mean something if he followed through.


Field Notes

This is Accountability Over Accuracy in practice: not a public performance of goodness, but a willingness to name impact without defending intent, ask for a concrete repair, and make follow-through specific (edits before meetings; questions instead of restating; private feedback when he slips).


An Invitation

I am considering publishing guest Chronicles: short, anonymized (or not) scenes (700–900 words) where a “simple problem” reveals something about internal space and shared space. Please email me at robert@exponentialsquared.com.

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

  • Free membership gives you access to community conversations and introductory resources.
  • Paid membership opens full access to courses, live sessions, and the complete Field Guide.

Stay in Touch

Space As Home (Part 3): From Heroics To Habitat

Space As Home (Part 3): From Heroics To Habitat

If internal space is the room you live in alone, shared space is the room you co-create with others.

Most of us were taught to treat relationships as emotional and ethics as philosophical. Spaciology refuses that split. Shared space is an environment—real, patterned, and consequential. It shapes who can speak, what can be said, what remains unsaid, and which truths are considered “professional,” “appropriate,” or “too much.” In my words: space is not neutral, and it is power-laden.

When I say shared space, I mean the lived field between people  attention, pace, silence, trust, fear, credibility, status, belonging. We all know what it feels like when a room tightens. We all know what it feels like when a room opens. We just rarely treat that knowledge as data.

Shared Space Is Where A Conversation Becomes Either A Home Or A Performance.


The Ethical Claim Hiding In Plain Sight

My Spaciology Manifesto says: Space is ethical. To make space is to make room for the Other.

Here is what that means. In any relationship—family, classroom, counseling room, meeting, community—someone’s reality is made easier to express, and someone else’s is made harder. This is not always malicious. It is often unconscious, but it is still ethical, because it shapes whose humanity gets to appear.

This is where my reframing of authenticity matters. Authenticity is not merely “being yourself.” It can be understood as a collective conditionare we creating spaces where multiple authenticities can coexist? This reframing relocates authenticity from personal branding to relational design.


Attention Is Never Just Attention

Attention looks like listening, but it also looks like structure. It looks like:

  • Who gets interrupted
  • Who gets summarized incorrectly
  • Who gets asked for “evidence” while others get belief
  • Whose anger is read as “passion” and whose anger is read as “threat”
  • Which topics are allowed to stay complex, and which must be simplified

This is why I say space “thinks with us.” It shapes cognition and behavior in the room. Spaciology operationalizes this with three simple moves: making space, mapping space, and maintaining space.


A Working Practice: The Ethics-Of-Attention Audit

Use this in a meeting, a family conversation, a classroom discussion, or any difficult dialogue. It is small enough to actually do.

  1. Make Space (Slow The Moment).
    Ask the group: “What matters enough here that we should not rush?”
  2. Map Space (Make Power Visible Without Shaming).
    Ask two questions and write the answers down:
    • “Whose voice has been centered so far?”
    • “Whose voice has not been heard yet?”

    Do not explain. Do not debate. Just name.

  3. Maintain Space (Turn Insight Into A Durable Agreement).
    End with one explicit commitment:
    • A turn-taking agreement
    • A check-in ritual
    • A revisit date for a hard decision
    • A documented decision with a rationale

Maintaining space matters because one-time insight does not sustain change. Agreements, revisit dates, and documentation protect the space after the conversation ends.


Space As Home, Again

In Part 1, I said home is not comfort. Here, I will add: home is not agreement.

Home is the experience of being able to exist without disappearing, which is why shared space is ethical. If someone must become smaller in order to belong, the space is not home. If someone must perform certainty to be respected, the space is not home. If only one kind of story can be told, the space is not home.

In post-normal conditions, we need fewer heroic declarations and more ethical spaces where conflict can be held without scapegoating, where difference can be engaged without domination, and where accountability is possible without humiliation.

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

  • Free membership gives you access to community conversations and introductory resources.
  • Paid membership opens full access to courses, live sessions, and the complete Field Guide.

Stay in Touch

Space as Home (Part 2): Shared Space and the Ethics of Attention

Space as Home (Part 2): Shared Space and the Ethics of Attention

If internal space is the room you live in alone, shared space is the room you co-create with others.

Most of us were taught to treat relationships as emotional and ethics as philosophical. Spaciology refuses that split. Shared space is an environment—real, patterned, and consequential. It shapes who can speak, what can be said, what remains unsaid, and which truths are considered “professional,” “appropriate,” or “too much.” In my words: space is not neutral, and it is power-laden.

When I say shared space, I mean the lived field between people  attention, pace, silence, trust, fear, credibility, status, belonging. We all know what it feels like when a room tightens. We all know what it feels like when a room opens. We just rarely treat that knowledge as data.

Shared Space Is Where A Conversation Becomes Either A Home Or A Performance.


The Ethical Claim Hiding In Plain Sight

My Spaciology Manifesto says: Space is ethical. To make space is to make room for the Other.

Here is what that means. In any relationship—family, classroom, counseling room, meeting, community—someone’s reality is made easier to express, and someone else’s is made harder. This is not always malicious. It is often unconscious, but it is still ethical, because it shapes whose humanity gets to appear.

This is where my reframing of authenticity matters. Authenticity is not merely “being yourself.” It can be understood as a collective conditionare we creating spaces where multiple authenticities can coexist? This reframing relocates authenticity from personal branding to relational design.


Attention Is Never Just Attention

Attention looks like listening, but it also looks like structure. It looks like:

  • Who gets interrupted
  • Who gets summarized incorrectly
  • Who gets asked for “evidence” while others get belief
  • Whose anger is read as “passion” and whose anger is read as “threat”
  • Which topics are allowed to stay complex, and which must be simplified

This is why I say space “thinks with us.” It shapes cognition and behavior in the room. Spaciology operationalizes this with three simple moves: making space, mapping space, and maintaining space.


A Working Practice: The Ethics-Of-Attention Audit

Use this in a meeting, a family conversation, a classroom discussion, or any difficult dialogue. It is small enough to actually do.

    1. Make Space (Slow The Moment).
      Ask the group: “What matters enough here that we should not rush?”
    2. Map Space (Make Power Visible Without Shaming).
      Ask two questions and write the answers down:

       

      • “Whose voice has been centered so far?”
      • “Whose voice has not been heard yet?”

      Do not explain. Do not debate. Just name.

    3. Maintain Space (Turn Insight Into A Durable Agreement).
      End with one explicit commitment:
      • A turn-taking agreement
      • A check-in ritual
      • A revisit date for a hard decision
      • A documented decision with a rationale

Maintaining space matters because one-time insight does not sustain change. Agreements, revisit dates, and documentation protect the space after the conversation ends.


Space As Home, Again

In Part 1, I said home is not comfort. Here, I will add: home is not agreement.

Home is the experience of being able to exist without disappearing, which is why shared space is ethical. If someone must become smaller in order to belong, the space is not home. If someone must perform certainty to be respected, the space is not home. If only one kind of story can be told, the space is not home.

In post-normal conditions, we need fewer heroic declarations and more ethical spaces where conflict can be held without scapegoating, where difference can be engaged without domination, and where accountability is possible without humiliation.

If you want the applied framework behind this, Space as Metaphor operationalizes Spaciology into teachable practices across internal space, shared space, and the larger field.

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

  • Free membership gives you access to community conversations and introductory resources.
  • Paid membership opens full access to courses, live sessions, and the complete Field Guide.

Stay in Touch