I is Me

I is Me

I have come to realize
old adages have truth,
theorize
old fears can die,
believe
that I
have no purpose on this earth
other than to disentangle the mystery of self
and how that includes losing
old ways of framing
and painting
scenes in my head
that reflect just one perspective,
because the borders I think I see
around me
are not fixed
nor part of a reality
distinct from my own experience.

——

Making love is real,
and it involves the soul, body, heart, and mind,
and the kinds of things that exist outside
of space and time.
Heroes seem lonely
to me now.
I used to imagine myself in a cabin
in a forest,
chopping wood,
fighting demons in my head.
Such dreams perpetuate the myth
that man is burdened with something unique,
oblique,
and that to face our fears collectively is somehow weak,
and yet experience teaches me
a different kind of truth.

——

As I look out at the landscape of my heart,
I see people, animals, trees, rivers, and stones,
and the bones
of the man I used to be,
a man full of fear
who chased me
into dark corners of my mind,
and so there I hid,
slid
into a quiet madness
championed by society.
I had answers,
hard edges around my heart,
and I planned how each day would end,
not how it would start,
because I was a man whose eyes
were fixed on the horizon.

——

When my heart broke,
I awoke
from a deep slumber
to discover the man inside my head
was in fact me,
and that the chase
was not a metaphor
for what it means to be
or not to be,
but rather a manifestation
of the loneliness I felt
inside me.
I see now I created the man
and he me,
and so we
must part ways
one of these days,
and this is one of those days.

——

As I watch this man run away from me
over a bridge and into the black folds of outer space,
I hear a sound in my heart
and turn to see this man
with outstretched arms
and we embrace,
melting into the other,
as we both realize
without the need to theorize
that I is me…

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

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Membership gives you free access to community conversations, courses, introductory resources, and the complete Field Guide.

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Spaciology Learning Commons

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Chronicle of Dreaming Man

Chronicle of Dreaming Man

Watch

Listen

Read

Every morning,
he would row his boat
gently down the stream,
merrily,
thinking life is but a dream.

He was not concerned with how things worked,
but rather how they seem
inside his often broken heart,
and he would dream
and allow his thoughts
and tears
to carry him
past fears,
the troubled years
and the moments that played out like Cheers.

He would dream of love
so heavy and pure
that he was sure
it must exist,
he could not resist,
the feeling would persist,
insist,
his boat began to list
to one side,
and so he leaped
with his heart
and soul,
no end in sight,
no goal,
and he would dream.

The stars would twinkle,
the moon would dance
and the world felt quiet,
pregnant with hope,
dazzling landscapes in his mind,
spaceships bound for worlds unknown
and a love he could hold in his hand
as an old man
on a summer afternoon,
a fan
gently moving the breeze past his face,
nearly every trace
of childhood erased,
and he would dream
of the first time
he was not alone in that boat
on that stream
and how it felt to not have to dream.

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

Membership gives you free access to community conversations, courses, introductory resources, and the complete Field Guide.

Stay in Touch

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

Membership gives you free access to community conversations, courses, introductory resources, and the complete Field Guide.

In Plain Sight

In Plain Sight

As
I lay hiding,
confiding
to no one
and no thing,
the remnants of past selves
bring
me pain
inside the heart
I pretend is my brain
is a boy,
so scared
to share himself
with a world
that seems so hard,
harsh,
and yet the metal
I think I see
outside of myself
is actually inside me,
within each reverie,
each dream,
every intent,
all waves,
one sea,
three of me,
the man before,
the one now,
and the one yet to be,
we three
have a responsibility
to each other
and to me,
the man with tears in every lie,
every half-truth,
every story
I’ve ever told,
or held,
or allowed to meld
inside the blood
that runs through every vein
in my heart,
so big,
so small,
insignificant,
but aren’t we all,
I ask myself
in half jest
lest I come to believe
that the pain I love
will never leave
and that the man I thought I was becoming
was the same figment,
the same mirage
in a lifetime full of dreams
and expectations
that go unfulfilled,
because I won’t fill them.

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

Membership gives you free access to community conversations, courses, introductory resources, and the complete Field Guide.

Stay in Touch

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

Membership gives you free access to community conversations, courses, introductory resources, and the complete Field Guide.

Soft Feelings

Soft Feelings

Soft feelings are hard to let go,
especially when they bleed
into dreams
and streams
of consciousness
that meander and flow
into places I do not understand
or know.

Broken people made whole
inside the hole
within the sphere of the heart
of the soul
and liquid dreams,
streams
of tears,
cascading fears,
the undulating,
rapturous years
bent around
a tree
and its roots,
offshoots
of self
and sky
and earth,
the branches of time,
the hidden,
unforeseen,
the sublime,
the hands of time…

…constructs of mind,
the lost,
the blind,
the dreams of humankind
held inside the womb
of space and time,
floating free
within a revery
of a man who asks himself,
to be or not to be
and how it came to be,
and the feeling lingers,
rests on his fingers
and fills the hole
in his crimson heart…

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

Membership gives you free access to community conversations, courses, introductory resources, and the complete Field Guide.

Stay in Touch

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

Membership gives you free access to community conversations, courses, introductory resources, and the complete Field Guide.

Selfies

Selfies

There is something unnerving about our reliance on presenting ourselves to “the world” through the use of ‘selfies.’ It is as if our ability to capture an image of ourselves with the use of a phone’s camera indicates something about our inherent power as humans. How many people are out there explaining to us that all we need to do is X, Y, and Z, and we will somehow achieve our dreams? Must our dreams be quantifiable to the masses? Must we curate ourselves for an audience that for the most part really does not truly care for our struggles at all, but rather the image of “perfection” we instead project? Is anyone else exhausted from the hordes of individuals peddling their senseless ‘wares’ to the masses, as if they have the answers alone? Must we suffer through one more pointless podcast that we immediately forget when we put down our phones and return to our real lives? Let me qualify the above statement, as not all podcasts are pointless. There are incredible podcasts out there, but there are also a plethora of podcasts that reinforce our brokenness as a society. The term, power, does not merely connote an idea of strength; rather, it also speaks of our fragility. We are born, we grow, we live, and we die. This universe is so vast that the word itself is empty, as worlds within worlds spin inside our molecules, while something we name dark matter is thought to make up nearly one-third of the matter-energy composition of the universe. Maybe ‘power’ can be reframed as a feeling of self. For instance, perhaps power is something we feel by ourselves in the woods on a hike at a moment in which we simply feel “okay” for a moment to be our fragile selves. Maybe power is an emotion we feel as we watch our kids grow up only to realize (later) we must let them go – literally and figuratively. Maybe power is recognizing that nothing we do matters in a universe that is so vast that it is still beginning 13.5 billion light years away. Maybe power is the recognition that everything matters. When we stop our lives to take pictures and tell the world how strong we are at that very moment, it is a wonderful sentiment, but perhaps it is misguided. Perhaps the energy we spend investing in our idea of the world might be best spent embracing ourselves so we may literally and figuratively embrace others. There is nothing necessarily wrong with ‘selfies’ at all. It could be viewed as an invitation. I suppose the question here is what do we wish to project through the use of a ‘selfie?’ Are we projecting our very selves, or are we projecting a passing interpretation of what we think we might be? But for whom is this projection? Why? Perhaps, a ‘selfie’ does not just refer to photography, but rather an intent to present parts of ourselves we feel comfortable sharing while omitting what we may consider ‘dark.’ What if we shared our darkness? What if we allowed others inside our brokenness? A wise woman said to me recently that our brokenness is what makes us whole. As a man, I have always run away from my brokenness. Perhaps many of us run from it. Perhaps Smokey Robinson says it best in Tears of a Clown

About Spaciology

Spaciology is not abstract theory; rather, it is a practice you can feel.

  • Inside: Pause, breathe, notice.
  • Outside: Design rooms, rituals, and agendas that slow the spin and invite care.
  • Between us: Make dialogue a place where different truths can live together long enough to teach something.

Ultimately, leadership is the art of making space for what’s important (for everyone) and letting that clarity shape the next step. When we change the spaces from which we lead, our strategies change with them.

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

Membership gives you free access to community conversations, courses, introductory resources, and the complete Field Guide.

Stay in Touch

Spaciology Learning Commons

Want to go further? Join the Spaciology Learning Commons.

Membership gives you free access to community conversations, courses, introductory resources, and the complete Field Guide.